In October or November of 2002, I hooked up with Paul Pfisterer, through a girl named Rhonda (who, interestingly enough, also introduced me to Greg Johnston, the producer of my first cd, hyper-blue). Originally, as with my first meeting with Greg, my goal with Paul was to create a demo cd of about 5 or 6 songs. I brought him my homemade, rather poor-quality demo, of about 13 or 15 songs. He listened to it, and together we decided which songs were the strongest and then began production.

Having toured and gigged to support hyper-blue, I was ready to make new music to perform. A lot of my writing at that point was very dance-music oriented. I didn’t want to make a synthetic dance record- I wanted to originally make it sound more organic, like old school solo Michael Jackson, or Prince- with hints of rock similar to the Rolling Stones, (I had seen 2 out of the 3 acts live by that point). At this point we recorded devilboy, love you so, hollywood ending, anniversary, on your sofa, why you wanna hurt me again? and disposable love. All of the above being versions very different from those that made the album.

We took a break until January 2003, and then began refining our sound. We ended up with 2 songs that sounded like 80s retro dance pop- an adult contemporary country pop song, and some ballads, and then added if i fall, a song that I wrote about my relationship with my Mom, a song that came together magically, and a song that we haven’t altered at all since February of last year. We dropped on your sofa, and decided to make why into a ballad rather than have a big production of it- the words seemed powerful enough to stand alone. With our hard work, and the help of a few talented musicians, we finished up the demo as I shopped it around to managers and record labels, and basically got nowhere, leaving me very discouraged- I believed so much in what we had created, but it seemed like no one else did. In fact, one record label wrote back “please feel free to submit more music if you honestly feel it is drastically different from the current submission.” Ouch. I felt like a total failure and loser.

We took another break until June or July of 2003. During that rather humbling break, I had changed in quite a few ways. With 3 good friends, I sublet a house in Toronto in the Bloor & Ossington area- in a rather interesting house complete with mice and Soviet communist paraphernalia galore, including busts of Mao and Lenin! The house belonged to a University professor and her husband, and along with the library of books found there, was a record player, and dozens of old records. And then came into my life “Rumours” by Fleetwood Mac, which was so powerful to me. It was sincere and honest. Simple and thoughtful. It was emotional. The music I had always listened to, albeit of a completely different genre, and also worthy of praise, felt flat to me. It felt like so many of the pop acts I loved no longer produced music that meant anything significant to me. The market seemed oversaturated with insincerity, filled with pawns of a corporate game.

I had always loved the Stones, and found in the collection “Beggar’s Banquet” with a very country version of “Honky Tonk Women” and the original version of “Gimmie Shelter” which I adore. It too seemed honest, groovy, and fun. And one of my roommates (who became more) was a huge Emmylou Harris fan, and Wrecking Ball has since become one of my very favorite albums.

When I first moved to Toronto, I have to admit (somewhat embarrassingly) I had expected to become a star…I had a song that was to get small market airplay “Can’t Stop Thinking of You”- as well as a whole lot of gigs that took me from Toronto to Vancouver. It felt like everything was going my way. Then certain realities started to set in. To be a star means being part of a corporate world that I can’t stand, one where talent doesn’t necessarily mean success, one where being creative takes a back burner to being part of a business move. And as I am approaching the age of 30 (not yet though!!!)- I began to want my music to mean something, and be honest and sincere itself. I started to feel that being a star wasn’t what I was really after, that instead, my real wish was to make music I was proud of. That’s not to say that I don’t like positive attention from others! Along with these struggles, I had very little money, and didn’t feel like performing again, or recording more music.

I remembered a couple things. An old flame’s words “Give it everything you’ve got, Ben. You have what it takes. I know you can do it” stuck in my head. Other people had told me this too, but for some reason, this time, the words stuck. I remembered performing at Grant MacEwan. I remembered my wonderful debut cd release party, and all the love I was shown on that and other occasions. Beautiful cards of encouragement which I still read. And I also thought that God gave me a gift, whether or not I am actually good at writing or singing- there is a reason why I am at least able to do it. I began to write more songs.

For the first time in Toronto I began feeling like I had a home again. I wrote ice hotel about someone who made me feel like I was home. I reworked an old song and changed its lyrics completely, which became the title track, seeker - ultimately about corporate greed and other forms of selfishness, pulled out paging batman, which I wrote after 9/11, and dear mr. Hussein, which I wrote in 1999 after the Columbine shooting. I pulled out my old break up song panic attack. Then I brought the new material to Paul.

For the next few months we created what will be known as seeker. I decided not to include hollywood ending (as I feel it would work best as a ballad, and the album really didn’t need another slow song), and we reworked devilboy, disposable love, and love you so, to fit in with the new feel of the album. Disposable has since become my favorite song to listen to. I agonized over whether to keep devilboy and love you so on the album, since they don’t really fit in with the others, but I didn’t want 11-13 songs of slow tunes- because my favorite songs to perform live are the high energy ones.

I chose the title “seeker” before I had written the song seeker (which was originally called something is so wrong in 1997). I am interested in astrology to some extent, and I since I was born in the “week of the seeker,” I thought it would be interesting to call the album just that. A seeker is what I am. Always trying to figure myself out, never really happy with myself, always looking for greener pastures, creating lofty dreams and goals and not knowing how to approach them. Aside from that, the album was created out of a love of different genres of music, and perhaps illustrates me seeking out a sound that is truly me. I think we have a cohesive sound at this point, but getting to this point was in itself a long journey. I still like the title.

Paul has been overly patient with me- I’m the kind of artist who will finish a song and then want to completely redo it - which we’ve done a few times, and I’m too much a perfectionist and harsh critic when it comes to my singing. Listening to vocal takes with me was, I’m sure, like splitting hairs for Paul- I’d nit pick even over the way I’d breathe. But at one point, I had to say…the record is what it is. And decide to move on…At this point my plans are to release the album, promote it as best as I can, and to enjoy the process. My goal now is to live with a sense of purpose, and to try to make a difference in the world. If you get a chance, please visit the links here at benhartt.com. I don’t know what my future will hold. I don’t know if the future will be so kind as to allow music to pay my bills (wouldn’t that be nice?) but I know that I am a creator, and I need to be creative, and always will. I can’t wait to make more music.

Thanks for reading,
Ben, April 2004